Six more weeks of death threats? Wiarton Willie's bad predictions inspired vicious reprisals. Groundhog Doomsday From the Files of Fortean Slips by D. Trull Enigma Editor dtrull@parascope.com The bizarre tradition known as Groundhog Day was somehow derived from Candlemas, the feast of the purification of the Virgin Mary. An old Scottish rhyme establishes the connection between February 2nd sunshine and future weather conditions as follows: If Candlemas Day is bright and clear There'll be two winters in the year. Okay, that's a semi-reasonable hypothesis, I guess. But how the heck did groundhogs get named the arbiters of Candlemas meteorology? Aren't we humans capable of checking for our own shadows? And besides, there's no reason to expect that all groundhogs are going to see the same thing on that all-important morning. Case in point: Punxsutawney Phil, our designated national Groundhog Day authority, did in fact see his shadow this past February, heralding six more weeks of winter. On the other hand, Phil's Canadian rival, Wiarton Willie, presaged the coming of an early spring. Obviously, they weren't both correct. And for the unfortunate groundhog whose precognitive powers failed, the penalty could be death. It's Wiarton Willie who was off the mark. C'mon... Canada getting its springtime before the U.S.? Man, Willie, what were you thinking? An albino groundhog born fourteen years ago, "on the 45th parallel, exactly midway between the Equator and the North Pole" (a distinction which must mean he's in synch with the subtle seasonal nuances of the Earth's axis, or something), Wiarton Willie boasts an accuracy record of 90 percent. Or so say his promoters, who must be chalking up the double-overtime Canadian winter of 1996 as part of that other ten percent. A lot of cold and angry Canucks aren't willing to be so forgiving. As wintry weather has dragged into April, public outcry against the faulty forecast has taken the form of calls and letters to Willie's handler and to the town council of Wiarton, which is on Ontario's Bruce Peninsula. Some of the irate comments have included death threats. Sam Brouwer, Willie's manager, announced that he has placed the groundhog under "protective custody." "People are upset with the weather. We've had such a long winter and I guess they want someone to pick on," said Brouwer, who runs the Wiarton Willie Motel where Willie lives year-round. "We have taken special measures to ensure that nobody acts on the potential threat." Whoa... Just imagine what kind of hell Canadian weathermen of the human variety must catch. As a cautionary word for young groundhogs who may be considering a career in prognostication, I've updated that old Scottish ditty thusly: If Groundhog Day is bright and clear There'll be two winters in the year. Or if no shadow do ye see An early spring is what there'll be. Groundhogs, if your aim be true Then loving fame awaits for you. But guess ye wrong, and lickety-split: A groundhog carcass on a stick. (c) Copyright 1996 ParaScope, Inc. Next: The Telepathic Terrier Fortean Slips Index What do you think? Share your views in the message boards!