Seidenkrantz barely escaped with his skull from a pair of devil- worshipping prostitutes. Skull Sluts of Satan From the Files of Fortean Slips by D. Trull Enigma Editor dtrull@parascope.com Times are sure tough for guys who'd like to spend an evening by purchasing the services of a prostitute. There's the steep risk of incurring disease, arrest and public excommunication a la Hugh Grant and Dick Morris, which ought to be enough to discourage most would-be johns. Plus, you just might wind up in bed with a hooker who wants to kill you and steal your skull for devil-worshipping purposes. That's what Herbert Seidenkrantz says happened to him, anyway. In April, the German Christmas-ornament salesman was visiting Los Angeles, where he contracted a couple of local women for personal entertainment. No doubt, being stuck thousands of miles from home hawking holiday goodies in the middle of summer is more than a little lonely. Seidenkrantz's rendezvous with the two ladies did indeed bring him some excitement, but not at all the sort he had in mind. Alicia Howard and Alice "Brandy" Jobe met Seidenkrantz in the bar of his hotel and agreed to accompany him upstairs. The two women, both in their twenties, blindfolded the 36-year-old German once they were in his room. At this point Howard reportedly stabbed Seidenkrantz twice in the chest with a knife. Although seriously wounded, Seidenkrantz managed to escape the women's clutches and call for help. He was hospitalized for injuries to his spleen, liver and lung before returning to Germany. Howard and Jobe, meanwhile, were arrested in their black lingerie and charged with attempted murder. An L.A. homicide detective says that one of the women told him that they had been wanting to acquire a human skull. The two harlots from hell were living in the same house, along with Howard's husband and two children. Police searched the home and seized a treasure trove of occult paraphernalia, including knives, swords, black candles, a mausoleum plaque and books on Satanism and witchcraft. These discoveries led investigators to suspect that Howard and Jobe intended to collect Seidenkrantz's skull for some sort of black magic ritual. Seemingly contradicting their admission that they were on a skull hunt, the unholy whores countered the charges by telling police that Seidenkrantz had raped them, and that they stabbed him in self-defense. Howard's husband, Mike, insisted that his wife and her friend were innocent. "What would they do with a skull?" Mr. Howard rhetorically inquired. "And how would they hide it from me? It would be like, 'Oh, excuse me, but what's that skull doing in the middle of the living room?'" He's got a point there -- assuming he himself is not the grand warlock presiding over the household's black masses. Alicia Howard's mother, Alice Conlon, admitted to a reporter that her daughter possessed a small collection of ceramic skulls. "But a real one? -- no, no, no." Well, then, if she doesn't have any human skulls, that's all the more incentive for her to be looking for one, right? But seriously, folks, we're all innocent until proven guilty, and that goes for Satanic sluts just as equally as the rest of us. Which leads us to the moral of this twisted little story. No, it's not "Rent a porn flick instead of a hooker." Nor it is it "If you need to get some human skulls, work at a morgue or a mortuary, not on a street corner." Although those are a couple of valuable life lessons, this one is even more crucial for all of us to follow: If you're going to keep a bunch of weird crap around your house, even if it's perfectly legal and harmless, make sure you never give the cops a reason to come looking for it. That's the kind of witch hunt that should make us truly fear for the safety of our skulls. (c) Copyright 1996 ParaScope, Inc. Next: Pagans in Prison Fortean Slips Index What do you think? Share your views in the message boards!