Has John F. Kennedy been reincarnated as an elemental spirit god? JFK's Blue Hawaii by D. Trull Enigma Editor dtrull@parascope.com Despite an enduring popularity that puts him on a plateau above all other presidents in the minds of many, John F. Kennedy has never had a real national monument built in his honor. Sure, he's got his eternal flame, and the airport, and the Sixth Floor at the Dealey Plaza schoolbook depository, but there's no big-time commemorative edifice for the guy on a par with George and Abe's. As if nature must have abhorred this vacuum, a makeshift Mount Vernon of JFK's very own has manifested itself, tucked away in the most remote corner of the nation he once led. On the Hawaiian island of Maui there stands a massive rock formation that closely resembles the distinctive Kennedy profile. The centuries-old simulacrum has become a minor tourist attraction in recent years. But now our slain leader has been denied even this paltry tribute, thanks to government machinations and revisionist-history bureaucrats. Is this travesty a tangled web of coincidence... or of conspiracy? The outcropping of rocks in question is located in Maui's Iao Valley State Park. Long ago the formation was said to resemble the face of Kauakaiwai, a 15th century Hawaiian priest. According to a tale passed through the generations, Kauakaiwai had turned to stone and remained to watch protectively over the valley's royal grave sites. In the 1960s, the people of Maui noticed that their new president happened to look a lot like Kauakaiwai. A whole lot, in fact. The rocky slope was officially rededicated, complete with state park signs reading "President Kennedy's Profile." Jack himself apparently never visited his stone doppelganger in person, but Jackie O saw it and reportedly found the likeness stunning. In the ensuing decades, the elements have worn away the rocks to the point that today they don't favor JFK as dramatically as they once did. But what's really put Kennedy's Hawaiian memorial between a rock and a hard place is a far bigger threat than physical erosion: it's the implacable force of political correctness. Hawaii state park officials have decided to return the rock formation to the auspices of its original namesake, Priest Kauakaiwai. According to Maui parks chief Floyd Miyazono, it was necessary for the stone profile to kick it old school as a historically accurate representation of Hawaiian culture. He also points out that since the rocks look so little like JFK anymore, Iao Valley State Park should avoid disappointing tourists who would make a special trip to look for him. The old signs will come down, and new ones will label the site as the visage of Kauakaiwai. The changeover sounds innocent enough on the face of it, but when you look closely at the details the flimsy facade begins to shatter. First off, if the rocks stopped looking like Kennedy in a mere thirty years' time, how the heck can they possibly still emulate a dude from 500 years ago? And it just so happens that the rocks are visible only from a winding mountainside road, where parking or traveling by foot is extremely hazardous. Could it be that park officials don't want the meddling public getting too close a look at "Kauakaiwai"? It seems pretty plain that the powers-that-be want to deny us any substantial shrine to Kennedy, but there could be more to it than that. Maybe, just maybe, someone somewhere is out to cover up concrete evidence of JFK's reincarnation and/or status as an elemental spirit god. And the Masons and the military-industrial complex have got to be wrapped up in this somehow, concealed behind a sinister smokescreen of poi and ukuleles. On a grassy knoll in Maui, President Kennedy has been assassinated once again. Sources: USA Today; National Examiner (c) Copyright 1997 ParaScope, Inc. More Fortean Slips! Share your views in the Fortean Slips message board!