Holy Grail, Batman! by D. Trull Enigma Editor dtrull@parascope.com Of all the secret societies ever to lurk in the shadows of hidden history, few can claim to be as simultaneously famous and unknown as the Knights Templar. This ancient order of warrior monks has been intimately connected with more conspiracy theories than you can shake a magic bullet at, and yet no one exactly knows who the heck they were. These circumstances naturally make the group ideal fodder for the speculations of scholars and fiction writers -- but the problem is, the Knights Templar are still around today. And not unlike crotchety Scooby-Doo villains, they don't take kindly to meddling outsiders who want to crack their mysteries. The Militi Templi Scotia, a modern-day Knights Templar organization in Scotland, has spoken out against a number of recent speculative writings that explore the history of the ancient order. The group claims that these works misrepresent and malign the true heritage of the Templars, whatever that may be. Among the offensive literature denounced by the Militi Templi Scotia: a book suggesting that the mummified head of Jesus Christ is buried under a Templar church in Scotland, and a Batman comic book in which the Caped Crusader investigates the holy crusaders. Bam! Pow! Biff! Conspire! Before we get into those disputes, let's take a look at the commonly known facts and/or legends surrounding the Knights Templar. They were a monastic military order which came to prominence in the 12th century in the aftermath of the First Crusade, charged with the duty of protecting pilgrims traveling between Europe and Jerusalem. The Templars took their name from the site of their home base, which was built atop the ruins of the Temple of Solomon in Jerusalem. The gang of hard-fightin' holy men quickly grew to enormous power and wealth, achieving a level of authority across Europe rivaled only by the Pope. The Templars have been credited (or blamed) with the invention of modern banking. Even though the practice of usury was illegal at the time, the filthy rich Knights Templar were loan sharks of the highest order, paving the way for all the Mr. Drysdales of today. Somewhere along the way, the Templars ticked off somebody they shouldn't have, or done something they shouldn't oughtta have done, and their reign of glory abruptly went right down ye olde crapper. In 1307, a Papal decree dissolved the Knights Templar, and King Philip of France ordered the arrest of all Templars on charges of heresy. Among other things, the Knights were accused of trampling on the cross, committing sodomy and worshiping a devil named Baphomet. Philip seized the group's riches and the members were tortured and executed, with the last remaining Grand Master of the Knights Templar burned at the stake in 1314. But the order was not completely exterminated. Numerous Templars escaped the purge, with Scotland being a popular sanctuary because it considered the group not guilty of Philip's charges. And thus the group survived, albeit under a much lower profile than in its salad days, but still managing to play a shadowy role in world events up to the present day, to some extent or other... depending on who you ask. The juiciest mysteries of the Knights Templar revolve around their massive wealth: what was it, how did they get it, and if it's still around today, where is it hidden? An assortment of hidden-treasure theories focus on Rosslyn Chapel, a gothic church near Edinburgh built by Templar architect Earl William Sinclair in the 15th century. It is widely believed that some long-lost Templar riches are hidden at Rosslyn Chapel, perhaps a stash of gold and other valuables spared from King Philip's seizure; some think it may be the fabled treasure of King Herod. But others say the Rosslyn treasure is much more than mere baubles. One popular suggestion is that the Knights Templar were the custodians of the legendary Holy Grail -- Christ's chalice from the Last Supper that caught His blood during the Crucifixion -- and the sacred relic has long remained stowed away at Rosslyn Chapel. Some have proposed that the Templars' possession of the Grail bestowed them with their great power, sort of like the divine dose of pumpitude the Nazis hoped to receive in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Along similar lines, another legend has it that Rosslyn Chapel may be the home of the Holy Rood of Scotland. This is an apocryphal piece of wood taken from the cross of Christ, which was supposedly brought to Scotland by Queen Margaret in 1086 and turned over to the Templars for safekeeping. One particularly sinister theory proposes that the Templars possess an even stronger direct connection to Christ than the Holy Grail or the Holy Rood. Hardcore conspiracy buffs have posited that behind the Templars is an even more super-secret society known as the Prieure de Sion (or Priory of Zion). These shady folks supposedly protect the secret bloodline of Jesus Christ, who supposedly married Mary Magdalene (contrary to what you may have read in the Bible) and sired heirs to the Houses of Benjamin and David, whose carefully-bred lineage has supposedly been preserved over the centuries in complete secrecy. (It has been suggested that the "Holy Grail" is actually a metaphor for the bloodline of Christ.) Rosslyn Chapel, then, might be the repository of Templar documentation verifying the holy bloodline, or who knows, maybe the Christ kids hide in the basement playing Nintendo. As I mentioned at the top, the present-day Militi Templi Scotia doesn't cotton too much to all these monumental tales of their clandestine kookiness. Actually, they do kind of seem to like the Holy Rood story, which apparently appeals to their Scottish patriotism, and they coyly acknowledge that the sacred splinter might be tucked away somewhere in Rosslyn Chapel. But the rest of the far-out folklore they can do without. By now the Militi Templi must find it hopeless to battle the Holy Grail and sacred bloodline legends, so whenever a new wrinkle in the mythology appears, they take up arms against it in a warrior frenzy. Anthropologist Keith Laidler has just published a book entitled The Head of God: The Lost Treasure of the Templars, which quite literally brings the Jesus/Templars connection to a head. Laidler believes that the mystery surprise hidden at Rosslyn Chapel is the severed cranium of Christ, which the Knights Templar supposedly smuggled out of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem in the 12th century. Fugitive Templars then brought the head with them to Scotland, where the Nazarene noggin was buried under Rosslyn Chapel by Earl William Sinclair. Laidler backs his case with an inscription at the church which reads "Here beneath this pillar lies the head of God." The Militi Templi Scotia has denied this heady scenario, in essence accusing Laidler of being the one who's got his head stuck where the sun don't shine. They've also condemned the published findings of a prominent American detective and criminologist known as Batman. In a comic book entitled Batman: The Scottish Connection, Bruce Wayne visits Scotland to attend a reunion of his ancestral relations. It turns out that a psychopathic historian is out to kill Wayne's entire clan as revenge for an old family feud that started centuries ago. Of course, Batman has to swing into action and thwart his evil plan, but not before stopping by Rosslyn Chapel to learn a little about the Knights Templar. The Militi Templi Scotia objected to the Batman adventure, saying that it trivialized the Templars and distorted their history. Alan Grant, a British comics writer best known for his work on Judge Dredd, defended his script against these accusations. Grant said that Templar lore constituted a fair subject for creative inspiration. But the Militi Templi are perfectly entitled to take exception with his Batman story -- not because it misrepresents the Knights Templar, but because it's a crappy comic book. As a longtime reader of comics, I can authoritatively state that Batman: The Scottish Connection is the exactly kind of hackwork that gives comic books a bad name. It is a dopey, simplistic and contrived excuse to show Batman beating up some bad guys. And incidentally, it hardly has anything to with the Knights Templar. Basically, the villain discovers the hidden treasure of Rosslyn Chapel, which turns out to be a bunch of gold and a magic charm that can give people super-strength. He uses it to make himself and his henchmen super-powered so they can go fight Batman. Yawn. The book's got pretty artwork and pretentious historical allusions, but at its core it's no more sophisticated than Adam West konking out Frank Gorshin with a Batarang. It's an embarrassment that the Militi Templi Scotia would even call attention to such tripe. And it also shows that they don't know their comics very well. DC Comics also publishes Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon's Preacher, an intelligent and rip-roaring saga about humanity's love/hate relationship with God, which includes a blow-by-blow depiction of the whole Priory of Zion bloodline conspiracy brought to life. Ennis and Dillon even have the balls to portray the holy descendent of Christ as a slobbering, inbred moron. There's no explicit mention of the Knights Templar, but Preacher is the kind of comic book I'd be proud to have them denounce, abominate and burn by the truckload. Humper dumper doo! In the end, I'd like to think of the Milli Vanilli -- I mean, the Militi Templi -- as a bunch of harmless, boring old dudes who bear more resemblance to the Kiwanis Club than the Illuminati, who are fond of wearing funny hats and talking about old historical junk. And they get upset when other people come along and play with their mythology, just like old men who love to bellow "You kids get out of my yard!" Then again, maybe they really are an ultra-secret cabal of limitless power that directly controls the course of all world events, up to and including the words I'm typing right now. Either way, they really should think about expanding their reading habits. Sources: The Scotsman (which must be rightfully credited with coining the marvelous headline "Holy Grail, Batman!"); Militi Templi Scotia web site; A History And Mythos Of The Knights Templar web site; The Legend of the Holy Grail web site; 50 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time, Jonathan Vankin and John Whalen. Special thanks to Charles Overbeck and David Krotoszynski. © Copyright 1998 ParaScope, Inc. Click Here for More Fortean Slips! Fortean Slips message board: Share your views