Fortean Slips: Houdini Theatre

There was one trap that
Harry Houdini could not
escape -- the production
of mediocre docudramas
based on his life.

Houdini Theatre

by D. Trull
Enigma Editor
dtrull@parascope.com

Without question, the greatest escape artist of all time was the one and only Ehrich Weiss. If the name doesn't ring a bell, that's because Weiss successfully escaped from the confines of his given name and became known to the world as Harry Houdini. The master of elusion subsequently broke free of chains, padlocks, handcuffs, straitjackets, coffins, milk cans and Chinese water torture chambers. There is, alas, at least one horrible trap that not even the great Houdini could manage to slip out of, and that's the production of mediocre docudramas based on his life and times.

One widely known tale from the Houdini legend involves the plans that the magician and his wife Bess had carefully worked out for what they hoped would be the most phenomenal escape ever performed. In the event that one of them died before the other, they agreed on a number of secret messages that the deceased one would transmit to the survivor as proof of life after death. Houdini passed away in 1926, dying not in the course of a failed stunt, but after letting someone punch him in the stomach to demonstrate what a tough guy he was. The blow ruptured Houdini's appendix, and he died of peritonitis a few days later, on Halloween -- a fitting final bow for the master trickster.

Bess began waiting for Harry to signal coded messages from beyond the grave, and held a seance to try contacting him every year on October 31. After decades of getting nothing but static, Bess conceded shortly before her death in 1946 that their posthumous party line had not worked. Nonetheless, the Halloween seances have become a tradition carried out by Houdini fans to this day.

One such ceremony was sponsored on the night of Halloween 1997 by a theatre group that was badly in need of some magic. The Goodspeed Opera House in East Haddam, Connecticut, was staging an original production entitled Houdini, which had been playing for a month to lukewarm reviews. A big part of the play's difficulties may have been the fact that it was a musical. I don't know how your lead character is supposed to be running around singing when he spends most of his time locked up in a trunk or submerged in a tank of watery doom.

In any event, the Goodspeed folks apparently hoped they could stir up attendance by promoting an "Official Houdini Seance," which was held at midnight on the theatre stage following the play's October 31 performance. In front of a standing room only crowd, spirit medium Elaine Kuzmeskus claimed to have better luck in one try than the poor widow Bess could ever muster: the psychic rapidly announced that she made successful contact with Houdini, and that his ghost was present in the theatre.

If the apparition at the seance really was Harry, he was acting awfully confused. A Houdini expert conversed with the ghost, which spoke through Kuzmeskus, and showed that Houdini was strangely unable to remember or identify the names of a number of important people in his life. The ghost also failed to tell what artifact the historian had placed inside a sealed envelope. Okay, so maybe Houdini was a little jittery with stage fright, having been in retirement for 71 years.

But something else the ghost said completely defies all logical explanation. Houdini felt compelled to deliver via Kuzmeskus his opinion on the musical version of his life currently appearing on that very stage. You can imagine what he might have to say: "I love it! Four stars! A masterpiece! Tell your friends! And be sure to catch Goodspeed's production of Meet Me in St. Louis, opening January 15th!"

But no. Believe it or not, Houdini said he didn't like the play -- in fact, he downright gave it a poltergeistic panning. The ghost criticized the musical for being too long, and he also said the humor needed a lot of work. Go figure.

Now, I suppose someone could contort this haunting critique into proof that the ghost was real -- because a fake psychic hired by the theatre would never willingly dis the play, right? Or it could have all been a carefully designed spoof meant to illustrate the real Houdini's steadfast crusade against fraudulent seances and hocus-pocus. Or maybe it was just a medium with an extra-large ax to grind.

Anyway, I've got a couple of suggestions for the theatre folks, in case they'd like to take action on Houdini's thoughtful review. I'd recommend cutting some of the boring production numbers, and sticking to plenty of action scenes with Houdini escaping from stuff. Since the actor would have a hard time singing during these parts, the chorus might accompany his feats with a medley of contemporary favorites, such as "I Shall Be Released," "Unchained Melody," "Chain of Fools" and, of course, "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)."

Plus, here's a little toe-tapper that could really start the show off with a bang: courtesy my composers Mick and Keith, I proudly present... "Sympathy for Houdini."

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a whiz with locks and chains.
Been doing tricks for a long, long year
Stumped many a man and teased his brains.

And I was bound and seized up tight
In a casket of death and pain.
Made damn sure not to bite it
When they cuffed my hands and sealed the case.

Pleased to meet you,
Hope you guess my name.
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my escapes.

I stuck myself in a milk can
When I saw it was a time for a change.
Killed the crowd with my manacles --
As I staged it, they screamed in vain.

I dove in a tank
Filled with waters dank --
When the audience raged,
It's money in the bank.

Pleased to meet you,
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah.
What's puzzling you
Is the nature of my escapes, oh yeah.

(Cue continuous refrain of "Hoo-Hoooo, Dee-Neeee, Hoo-Hoooo, Dee-Neeee," etc.)

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