Miss South Africa shocked the public with plans for a gory victory celebration. Beauty Queen Sacrifice by D. Trull Enigma Editor dtrull@parascope.com In darker times, it was all too customary for societies to kill virginal young women as sacrificial offerings to their gods. Such conduct finds no place in the enlightened world of today. Freed from male oppression, modern women have the equal right to commit ritual slaughter themselves. And it's nobody's business if they're virgins or not. Peggy-Sue Khumalo, winner of the 1996 Miss South Africa pageant, made a startling announcement shortly after winning her crown. She revealed that she would celebrate her victory by sacrificing a goat to her ancestors. Furthermore, Khumalo said if she were to win the subsequent Miss World pageant, she'd be so happy she would slay a cow and ten oxen. "In my culture we slaughter an animal as an act of gratitude," said Khumalo, who explained that she grew up on a farm were such ceremonies were common. "Slaughtering should be carried out in a humane manner, causing minimal suffering." Despite that generous morsel of compassion, Khumalo's plans met with howls of disapproval from her fellow South Africans. With impeccable timing, her next scheduled Miss South Africa appearance was at a Johannesburg "fun run" to benefit the Animal Anti-Cruelty League. Participants were to take their pets along on a leisurely Sunday jog for charity. Some may have feared their furry friends wouldn't make it safely back home if Miss South Africa were around -- the event's offended organizers asked Khumalo not to attend. Khumalo won the Miss South Africa title that belongs to the Miss World pageant system, not the better known Miss Universe contest. A victim of the politically correct backlash against beauty pageants, the Miss World organization has become an outcast among its peers. The contest is no longer broadcast in the U.S., Canada, Australia and most of Europe (although these countries continue to send delegates), thus earning Miss World the derisive nickname "Miss Third World." The five contestants crowned before 1996 were from developing nations, except for 1992's entrant from Russia -- whose status as a developed nation could be considered debatable. Right from the opening gala production number, the contestants have a good idea who has a chance to win and who doesn't. Maybe some of them go to extra lengths to make themselves look "non-Western" to the judges. For instance, "Peggy-Sue Khumalo" was not the slaughter-happy Miss South Africa's name at birth. A few months before the pageant, Peggy Priscilla Erasmus legally changed her name to Peggy Priscilla Khumalo, and promptly changed it again to Nonhlanhla Peggy-Sue Khumalo. A South African commentator observed that such name changes are fashionable in the post-apartheid era, "Erasmus" being an Afrikaaner oppressor name, whereas "Khumalo" is a liberated, guilt-free Zulu name. (Curiously, she would seem to have concocted the "Peggy-Sue" moniker just to hedge her bets.) The new name may have spelled the difference between winner and fifth runner-up. Could the animal sacrifice stuff have been a similar bit of "real native" posturing that went awry? Probably not, but we may never know for sure. At the 1996 Miss World pageant held in Bangalore, India, Khumalo made it into the ten semi-finalists, but ultimately lost to Miss Greece. As it happened, there was nonetheless a death motivated by personal beliefs in connection with the pageant, but it had nothing to do with Khumalo or her religious practices. The event's perceived degradation of women drew thousands of protesters, many of them threatening suicide. Suresh Kumar, an Indian Marxist activist, set himself on fire and burned to death. Obviously, not everyone in the Third World wants a beauty pageant to call their own. As far as it has been reported, no goats, cows or oxen were harmed in the making of Peggy-Sue Khumalo's pageant career. Let's hope it stays that way. Remember, it may take eleven dumb animals to win a Miss World crown, but it only takes one to wear it. Sources:Reuters; Electronic Telegraph; "Pillay's Perspective" (http://www.nn.independent.co.za:80/~svpillay/Perspex/). (c) Copyright 1997 ParaScope, Inc. Armageddonland The Quack of the Bumblebee More Fortean Slips What do you think? Tell us in the message boards!