A Kinder, Gentler Satan The Roman Catholic Church has revised its official views on the nature of Satan, and this particular overhaul of foul wickedness is far from being your average P.R. con job. Halloween Saturday Night Massacre It's neither a trick nor a treat: The Farmers' Almanac has launched a baffling crusade to move Halloween from All Hallow's Eve to the last Saturday of October. Black Magic & White Collar Crime A West African millionaire living in Florida used black magic to embezzle $240 million -- and for his next trick, he made himself disappear! Loch Ness Politics Historic Scotland and the Loch Ness Monster tourist industry have locked horns over the fate of Nessie's turf. Spontaneous Panty Combustion Maybe you've heard of hot pants, but take a peek at what her underwear unexpectedly burst into flames! Winston and the Witch Sir Winston Churchill: Journalist, statesman, warrior, orator... and Spiritualist mystic? Popeye the Bogeyman HAAAAACH-acch-acch-acch-acch-acch-acch!!! Is the dreaded Spinach-guzzling sailor an American version of the Japanese TV seizure cartoon freakout? The Marathon Vampire The red stuff this world-ranked runner drinks to quench her thirst ain't Gatorade. Drac Helicopters Over Transylvania Strikeforce for the New Romanian Order: This Count bites his prey with armor-piercing missiles. The Real Frankenstein Meet Dr. Dippel, the original mad scientist who sought to create a living monster. Mummies on Crack Egyptian mummies get busted for cocaine and tobacco use... but nobody knows where they got the stuff. Witches Protection Program Government-sponsored safe havens for accused practitioners of black magic in South Africa. Invasion of the Penis Snatchers Freudian lynch mobs attack and kill in fear of voodoo spells believed to make male genitalia vanish. Groundhog Doomsday One February when the groundhog's weather forecast was wrong, an angry town vowed to kill him. Nessie Captured... In Cartoon Hell The Loch Ness Monster is sighted in the land of the Care Bears. Can a breakfast cereal be far behind? Chernobyl Supervoles Radioactive wastelands are deadly for most lifeforms, but these mutant rodents are mad about the fallout. Modest Mad Cow Proposal A few suggestions on how the burger-loving masses can help fight mad cow disease. Endangered Bigfoot Has Sasquatch been officially listed as a state protected species, or is this a backwoods urban legend? Hypodermic Skeeters No more needles: Genetically engineered mosquitos may one day administer vaccinations. Maggot Surgeons No more needles: Genetically engineered mosquitos may one day administer vaccinations.